


Girls can't love girls (or else)

by CureIcy



Category: Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Internalized Homophobia, heavy on the former and light on the latter, hitomi gets some actual characterization
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-18
Updated: 2019-12-18
Packaged: 2021-02-26 10:07:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21847936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CureIcy/pseuds/CureIcy
Summary: Hitomi doesn't mean to be homophobic. She's just scared for her friends, and confused about her feelings. She's in the wrong place (in denial, in the closet) at the wrong time (when Sayaka needs her the most).
Relationships: No Romantic Relationships - Relationship, just hitomi freaking out about them
Kudos: 41





	Girls can't love girls (or else)

**Author's Note:**

> if there are inconsistencies, please chalk it up to time shenanigans.

Sayaka and Madoka had been acting weird lately.

It started with the two of them gazing longingly at each other during their walk to school. Almost like they were having a conversation...without saying a word...but there was only one thing that could bring two people so close together in such a short period of time. That was meant for a man and a woman, not two girls! What would the teachers say? What would their  _ parents  _ say? 

They were Hitomi’s friends, and as much as she wanted to take them in if their parents kicked them out for such unnatural actions, she had a feeling her parents would gladly watch Madoka and Sayaka lose everything. _ It serves them right, flaunting that disgusting excuse for love in public, _ her father would say, and her mother would nod fervently, pulling Hitomi away from the only people who looked past the porcelain doll and saw the person inside.

She  _ tries  _ to warn them. But Sayaka has the audacity to joke about Madoka being her wife, in  _ public _ no less, and she can’t take it anymore. “Can’t you see? Girls can’t like girls; girls can’t like girls!” Hitomi cried out.

She can’t do this. She has to get away from them. Because if she stays, then the sharp tugging of emotion she felt towards Madoka might solidify into something like jealousy, something like a wish that Sayaka would chase Hitomi around and joke about Hitomi being her wife. 

“No,” she whispers to herself, still running. “Girls...can’t...like...girls...”

* * *

It gets worse. Madoka’s been acting...really depressed lately, and she doesn’t seem to have time to hang out anymore. She cries in class sometimes, and Hitomi gets the feeling someone might have found out about her fling with Sayaka.

Why is she jealous? It’s completely irrational. She’s just feeling this way because she likes Sayaka as a friend, that’s all. She’s jealous because she feels locked out of their little group of friends, and she’s afraid that romance could ruin it for them. Three’s a crowd, after all.

Still, she doesn’t think she can deal with Sayaka. Not with the way she’s been lately. It’s funny; Hitomi’s come to take her friendships for granted, but without the reprieve from home they provide, she finds herself wandering around more and more after school.

Her dad is angry and drunk one night, and she’s...not sure what happens. She has vague memories of stumbling around at night, and maybe Madoka found her, or it was just a dream? Then she’s surrounded by people in some abandoned factory, with a strange urge to play RPGs when she gets home. The police kindly explain that it was a mass hallucination, and she sneaks in the back door, gets a harshly whispered lecture from her mother, and collapses in bed.

The next day, she plays it off like nothing has happened, because she needs to. The best way to deal with bad things is to cancel them out with good things, so she rambles mindlessly about how she’s tired and parrots all the lies the police fed her, because she has no idea what really happened, and no one wants to know if there’s some greater truth.

Sayaka is cheerful as ever, and even Madoka seems to have perked up. Still, she doodles in her notebook instead of paying attention in class, and Hitomi catches sight of a doodle depicting Sayaka with a sword, majestic cape, and a sleeveless dress with a short skirt that only gets shorter as Hitomi’s gaze travels across the page, finally landing on the caption: magical girl Sayaka.

Is this some sort of... weird fantasy? She swallows down the confused feelings that arise, Madoka flips her notebook shut, the class ends, and she’s left with no one to turn to. She stands, needing to leave and yet not ready to go home and face her parents, while several of the more popular girls try to ask the new transfer student out for coffee. 

What if they’re hitting on her? What if the new transfer student has some sort of yandere obsession with Madoka, that started years ago and sparked that strange ‘anime protagonist dream’ Madoka had told her about?

No. She needs to stop, this needs to stop. Hitomi can’t deal with these thoughts anymore. She’s so distracted that she ends up going the wrong way home for several minutes, almost stepping into traffic at one point. It’s only a warning from Kyousuke Kamijou, still on crutches, that stops her.

It’s extreme. It’s stupid. But she knows what to do now.

* * *

“So, uh. What did you want to talk about?” Sayaka looks uncomfortable, not that Hitomi blames her. She has something of a fight-or-flight response whenever her parents say they need to talk.

“There’s something that I think I’ve known for a while, but I’ve been too scared to admit it to myself. But I can’t deny it any longer. I’ve had a crush, but it turned into love. And I can’t keep it to myself any longer.”

“Oh, wow! Who’s the lucky guy?”

“Kyousuke Kamijou.” A little part of her dies when she says that. He’s a sweet guy, and he deserves better than a fake like Hitomi.

“Oh.”

Sayaka looks distressed, and it kills Hitomi, but something has to be done. “You’re childhood friends with him, right?”

“I mean...” Sayaka hesitates, a rare occurrence. “We hung out a lot as kids, but we’re not as close as we used to be.”

“I take my friendship with you very seriously, Sayaka. I don’t want to steal him away from you, and if you want to date Kyousuke, you have every right to go after him.”  _ Because if you go after him, then I won’t keep thinking I have a chance with you. _ “I’m confessing to him tomorrow after school.”

“Hitomi…”

“I need to know. Can you face your true feelings?” Even as she says this, she knows how hypocritical she’s being.

It’s fine. Sayaka has always been the bold one. She’ll get over whatever weird mood she’s been in ever since she maybe spent the night together with Madoka, and she’ll confess her feelings to Kyousuke and quit her ambivalent pining, and Hitomi will get over this phase she’s in.

And if she doesn’t, well, maybe he isn’t the right boy for her after all, and Hitomi will have a boyfriend and graduate from her childish infatuation with girls to real love, with a  _ boy _ .

After all, there’s no way girls can love girls.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in a single evening out of a WMG on tv tropes and it sure went wild  
> Laksjdfhlskjdhlgsldfkjg  
> I need sleep  
> why must you stay up late friendo  
> Because the inspiration bug hit


End file.
